Counseling - How to Really Touch a Man's Heart

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Men and women are different in many ways and so are their options for giving and receiving physical support. The average woman has physical support all around her. If she is a mother then she has the affection of her children. If she has young children then she has them climbing all over and often feels like she doesn't have enough space. If she goes out with friends she can give and receive hugs of support. In the workplace it's also just fine for her to give another female co-worker a supportive hug. In numerous places in her life she has options for being touched in a supportive way.

Men have very few options for healthy physical touch. This isn't the case if they live in a country like Italy or Greece. In those places, openly showing affection is normal and acceptable.

Men can't do much more than a handshake in their workplace. A man can go days and weeks without ever being touched by another human being.

Now let's consider a married couple and how this scenario plays out. Let's assume the couple has young children. Whether the wife is working outside the home or not, she is giving and receiving physical affirmation often. It's not uncommon for her to feel the need to have some breaks from having small children hanging on her.

Now her husband comes home from work and he hasn't touched another human being all day. He wants to be touched. The table is set for another argument about sex. She feels they had sex just a couple days ago and for him it feels like weeks. Men have very few options for physical affection. Our wives are our primary source.

So the wife feels over stimulated and the husband feels starved.

What can be done?

Ladies, make the act of touching your husband a habit. Make it a top priority. A man craves more than anything the acceptance of his wife. If he doesn't feel he's getting this, he will eventually give up putting effort into the relationship.

Schedule regular times for sex with your husband like you would any other important appointment. Keep your commitments. This idea may not live up to your idea of fantasy. That's not what's most important to men. If they aren't receiving physical affection from you, then they won't get any. That is the beginning of the end for the relationship.

Men, don't pretend like you don't have a need for non sexual physical contact from your wife or from other human beings. Physical touch is a normal human need and nothing to be ashamed of. It does not mean you are weak and therefore flawed.

Learn to touch your wife physically in ways that don't lead directly to sex. Do it because you want to show her how much you care and like to be near her, not just because you want to have sex.